From “Woes to Wow”

At this moment I am recognizing that I need to look at the “Wow Factor” and in translation it means recognizing the simple things that I can so easily overlook.  It is easy to get caught up in our own little pity parties and not focus on “Wow” this happened to me today or  “wow” isn’t this wonderful.  Even though I might not like how something is going I might as well go with the flow with the way life is.  No cents being bent out of shape!

I came home to 2 turkeys in my back yard today.   Unheard and unseen of  and “Wow” that is pretty darn cool.  But at the same time it does not dismiss how you feel inside when feelings arise you just got to feel in order to get to the other side of it.  So when you feel sad, angry don’t dismiss it feel it through to completion and don’t waste any more time than needed and move on to the next thing.   Most of the time what we feel in the moment or in our bodies is a memory of something  that happened a long time ago.  Move your body or do something to shake it off.   Someone once told me a story of a lawyer who quit his job and opened a cake industry.  Brilliant!

 

Wow I get to type these words on my blog and you get to see them, how cool is that?    Wow just the fact that I am breathing is a miracle!  Wow I get to experience life itself just by sitting in this chair and witnessing my thoughts, sounds and texture of this key board.

Yes my friends, the birth of a baby or a beautiful sunset is “WOW”  but what if today you can find the Wow in the mundane and overlooked places.  See or feel what is right in front of  you and I promise you will not be disappointed!

 

Life Is a Blessing & Here is Why?

I am the person today because of my past:

Yes, it has been hard, scary, downright terrifying and in between.  but… I would not be the person I am today because of it.

There has been up’s and down’s, left turns and right turns and in between’s but… I am the person today because of it.

There has been stormy, cloudy and bright ski’s  but… I am the person today because of it

There has been earaches, heartaches and tooth aches but… I am the person today because of it.

There has been miracles,  blessings and second guessing but… I am the person today because of it.

There has been night fall and snow fall and fall fall fall but… I am the person today because of it.

There has been children, boredom and conundrum but… I am the person today because of it.

There has been breakthroughs, breakdowns and weepy eyes  but…I am the person today because of it.

There has been pain and sorrow that could not wait for the morrow  but… I am the person today because of it.

I am a speck of the divine and so are you so live it full out and live it for you!

 

 

 

 

 

Self Inquiry

Self inquiry is not for the faint of heart.  It takes “guts” to look at your self or unconscious patterns.  Actually when you do this it is not as bad as it seems and it is relieving to know whats confronting you.   For example, today I noticed I  was in a space of  “self-Pity.”   A wise friend once said “Pity the fear” and take your magic wand like Harry Potter and swoosh it away.   It worked for me because I tend to be pretty serious about life and I needed to use my imagination more.

I am practicing not looking back at my seemingly past mistakes and regrets.  This has only kept me feeling trapped and unworthy.  hmmm.  I wonder if this is part of the self-pity piece!  We have millions of thoughts daily and the trick is not to buy into them as if they are true.  The only power you have is in the moment and if you are distracted slow down, breathe and notice what is happening now!

Notice the stories you tell yourself.  Stories are a waste of time and energy ~  bring your attention back to this moment.  If you get caught up in the story line ~  Ask yourself  “Is this the truth?”  Stories are lies we tell ourselves!  Observing the story line knowing it’s not true is also helpful.   Never beat yourself up or try to fix it ~ remember you are not broken.  If you become fearful let it move through your body.  FYI:  A thought cannot be fixed.  Sometimes it can seemingly have emotional power over you.  You can journal to get the thoughts or emotions on paper and out of your head.

You are your own Guru.  You know what is best for you!  My mother used to always say “What is good for you may not be good for someone else.”  Trust this!

Don’t do what everyone else wants you to do.. Do what you want!  Own your potential and perfection.  If not now than when!

Chanting ~ How it impacted my life!

I recently had the experience of listening to a live youtube channel of a weekend event with Krishna Das in Yogaville in May, 2018.  He has been chanting for many years and also plays the Harmonium.  There are several others who are a part of this band.  I love listening to his chanting and the musical instruments.  One of the musical instruments I deeply resonate with is the “violin”.  It just sets my heart on fire.

Tears of joy, sadness and even my deepest fears came bursting forth during this event.  I do not know what the words mean and I do not need to know but I do Know that I was transformed by this weekend event.  I still am contemplating whether to get a “Harmonium” or not!  I want to learn how to play it and chant with it!  I was so impacted by this experience that I looked at tickets for his next event.  I did not want to miss out!

My inner chatter totally subsided and I felt “one” with everything.  The “pain” that I carried in my body (I had no idea that this extent of “pain” even existed) came to the forefront.  I was grateful for it and at the same time it was a big “Wow”.

Krishna Das says;  “That he needed to sing to clear out the dark corners in his mind” or something like that.  I totally get it.  I believe we all have a voice inside of us that needs to express.  I have had a lot of fear in my life to express myself and that is one of the reasons why I write.  I have a history and believe me when I tell you a long history of being uncomfortable with speaking up in a conversation or saying “no” but am learning that my “discomfort” is a doorway to my divinity which involves  me being human and divine.

Love your Ego….

Love your Ego

Love your mind and let it unwind..

Don’t keep track of your thoughts.  Don’t go back to the incident and try to figure it out or fix it or berate yourself for it.  Leave it in the past and let it have a “blast.”  Thoughts have no power over you ~ Just observe.  99% of the time the thoughts you think will not come to fruition.  You are “loving awareness”,  You are loving awareness.  Your Soul is who you are not your thoughts.  If the mind chatters -just let it!  Let emotions arise.  Embrace your fear, anger and sadness.   Allow, allow and allow.

Don’t believe anything you hear from others or read.  Use your own discretion and intuition.  Stay present and stay in the moment.  Listen to the birds sing and the as  river.  Use you as your own navigation tool.  Don’t take yourself too seriously.  Seriously what are you so serious about anyways.

Trust, play, enjoy, engage, walk away when you need too.  Don’t try too hard.  Life is on your side.  Do what lights you up.  Know that everything will be okay.  It is between you and God anyways.  Let go and don’t try to be spiritual cuz you already are.

 

Empaths vs. Narcissists

I have been carrying this heavy weight on my chest for I don’t know how long.  I am 55 and I have come to the conclusion that I am an empath.  People who are empathetic feel and sometimes carry the weight of the world on their shoulders.  I have also taken responsibility for everyone else’s needs before my own.  I have identified that it is my fault when in fact I’m not seeing what is right in front of me or using my intuition.

Why is it difficult for me to use my intuition?  Because I doubt ~ I always give people the benefit of the doubt and always give them excuses for their behavior.  I also want to feel loved.   I’ve been doing this all of my life and it is time to do things differently.

You may be asking What is a Narcissist?  There is varying degrees of narcissism.  Their is a lot of information about this topic if you were to google search it. I have become curious surrounding this topic due to the fact that I noticed I did not have good boundaries in relationships.  I also noticed I was always people pleasing and wanted to learn about this dynamic.

What I have come to learn about narcissistic behavior:  It’s all about them and what benefits them.  They tend to be a bully.    You lose yourself or your own identity.  Lying and manipulation to get their way.  Don’t take responsibility for their actions and tend to blame others.  Not honoring others and their own space.  Leave a conversation second guessing yourself.  Not honoring of your emotional needs.

Empathetic people tend to see the good in others forgetting to see what is right in front of them.  Empathetic people want peace and can give their power away or think that the other party knows more than they do.  They meet other peoples needs before their own.  Empaths usually do not have good boundaries and try to make things work when they won’t.  Empaths can feel what other’s are feeling and can lose objectivity.

What Empath’s need to do to strengthen themselves:

  1.  Set boundaries.
  2.  Limit your time spent around them or walk away.
  3.  Say “No” when it is safer to say “Yes”.
  4.  Care for your hurt before their hurt.
  5.  Express yourself in a safe environment.
  6.  Get in touch with nature or be with animals
  7.  Listen to music
  8. Honor your sensitivity and well-being
  9.  Love yourself

 

How I changed through Vibrational Transformation

What is Transformation Vibration?  A wise person once said (Panache Desai)
“when you change your energy you change your life.”  He refers to himself as a vibrational catalyst.

I have had the privilege to work with him over the course of the past 5 years.  He has helped me transform my “dense” or heavy energy.  This is done through the process of embracing your sadness, fear and anger.  We are taught from an early age on that it is not Okay to feel our feelings.   When we suppress these emotions we literally feel “weighed” down.

When I am in Panaches presence my supppressed feelings rise to the surface and past memories surface and hence my feelings come to life.  such as anger, sadness, pain etc.  I have learned so much about myself over this 5 year period.  This has not been easy by any means….

BENEFITS: 1. Opening my heart (I had no idea I had a closed heart until I met Panache).  2. Being honest with myself. 3.  Overcoming adversity. 4. Less afraid of being judged. 5. Speaking and standing up for myself. 6. Embracing life and much more.

When vibrational transformation happens you get to the covered spaces within you and the love and light do it’s work on your behalf.  It opens up dark corners and the light shines forth. I have noticed that I  have abandoned myself for the sake of putting other people before my own needs.  I had to learn to pull myself in to connect to myself instead of the outside world.  More or less I was giving my power away.  I had to look at “my so called flaws.”

To this day I still don’t like my anger, resentments, jealousy but I am discovering that this is part of our human nature and when we can learn to embrace this instead of “negating” it energy opens up for us in a whole new way.   Love is inclusive ~ the good, bad and ugly.  Remember this next time when you may perceive a not so nice feeling arise!  Don’t settle and don’t sell yourself short.

How a “Boating” accident impacted my family!

I was in an boating accident on the weekend of July 4th, 2017.  In my wildest dreams I never thought this would happen to me, worse yet my entire family (except my son).  My children are in their 20’s.  Intuition is powerful ~ When I stepped on the boat I had a feeling to not go on the boat ride but my stubbornness overrode this feeling.

We came upon a boat that needed towing.   I immediately said “yes” which is not like me.  I sat at the tip of the boat with 2 of Megan’s (my daughter) friends.  We threw a line to the boat and it was probably 3 minutes into the tow when myself and the 2 other gals had a premonition something was about to happen!  …and out of the blue “my husband says they are going to hit us.”  I looked up and saw a boat headed straight towards us.  No time to think or do anything.  They hit the right side of our boat where my husband was driving and ripped out the right side of our boat.  Thankfully we all survived.

We stood there in disarray for a moment and it was completely quite.  The windshield on the right and left side of the boat was shattered in very small pieces and my thought was.  .. oh know someone died! I began to panic as I saw blood on myself and some of the others.  My eyes were open but I did not want to see.   I did a head check and everyone was accounted for.    I saw Megan’s friend crying and she wanted to get out of the boat.  Yep, I felt responsible for everyone!  Always a mother!  I was scared due to the fact I did not know if someone got injured very badly.  Everyone was scared, in shock and crying, even my husband who never shows his feelings.  I was confused because the boat that hit us stayed at bay and did not even offer to help.  Eventually someone did come to help and got the girls who were crying off the boat and towed us into land.  Grateful there was no injures to the boat we were towing but one quick look I could see that they were also in shock.

When I arrived on land I was very grateful and was relieved I was no longer on the boat. From what I saw everyone had that feeling!  I felt powerless due to the fact I saw my daughter crying and some of her friends.  I felt sad that we had this experience.  What I noticed within myself is that I could not form a sentence.  I did this for a few days.  Fear, and anger was my best friend.  It was hard to comprehend what had happened.

Several of us went to the hospital and everything was okay.  What kept going through my mind was how precious life is and it could be gone in an instant!  I also realized none of us were meant to die.

On the way back to my Lake House I was scared that we were going to get in a car accident and my daughter’s felt like that too.  When I arrived back to the house we were humbled, frightened and grateful for this experience.   It’s been 6 months and yesterday I finally (6 months later)  I went to the Lake House and I was glad I did cuz I cried and cried the fears and emotions of what had happened came barreling in.  I had no idea of the amount of fear I carried around with me for 6 months.  that I had that was crippling me until I came face to fa

 

 

How to Bring Love to the Pain Body

I have resisted “what is” all of my life thinking what I had experienced was bad or “ugly”.  This only created shame, doubt, guilt and pain.  Until one day I woke up and realized everything I had been resisting was a message or my guidance.  One would never think guidance would come in this form.  I was keeping self love at a distance wishing it would  go away.

I decided to go within and look at those parts I deemed unworthy or neglected.   I discovered my incessant negative self-talk, and ongoing stories of the past.  This can be destructive.  I was creating unnessary pain in my life in which I would call the “pain body.”   This layer of pain is very much alive but has softened over time.  What helped me soften the pain was naming the thoughts that arose, i.e. past, story , lies etc.   I certainly was not at a point of loving what arises but naming these part of myself was an act of self-love.  Recognizing it for what it was helped me to lighten up and let go.

The Emotional Body plays a huge part of the “pain body.”  I discovered when the emotional body is neglected depression and hopelessness seeps in.  Sharing my feelings was not a part of my family structure.   I was taught to move forward and keep my mouth shut.  As a result I formed a pattern of putting other peoples needs ahead of my own.   This pattern can be changed!

What I discovered about the Emotional Body:

Go within and see what is there.  ie.  sadness, fear, shame, neglect, anger.  Allow, accept and feel into it.  You won’t die.  You will open up to parts of yourself you have put aside for years.  Give yourself permission to experience this.  Deal with what is right in front of you.  I was yearning for self – love, gratitude, presence and acceptance but the only way i could do this was to go within and give to myself first.

Acceptance is the Key to Forgiveness

When we accept ourselves no matter what grievance we hold against ourselves forgiveness  happens.  Forgiveness includes perceived past wrongdoings or anything we hold ourselves hostage to.  I have found this has been the biggest offering I have given myself.  When I accept blame and shame drops away.  Love enters this space.    Maybe this is the kingdom of heaven.  Stories we tell ourselves are no longer relevant.  Inner peace and harmony is restored and life does not seem difficult.  IMG_2343.JPG

Many words can describe acceptance.  Allowing, being with what is, loving what arises, appreciation and letting go.  It may also include to stop, slow down and breathe.  This will bring you in the present moment and you may be surprised what may arise.  Maybe it is an emotion that you distracted yourself from feeling.  If we all took the time to breathe, relax and allow just imagine what kind of world we would have.