Grief

How a “Boating” accident impacted my family!

January 23, 2018Leave a comment

I was in an boating accident on the weekend of July 4th, 2017. In my wildest dreams I never thought this would happen to me, worse yet my entire family (except my son). My children are in their 20’s. Intuition is powerful ~ When I stepped on the boat I had a feeling to not go on the boat ride but my stubbornness overrode this feeling.

We came upon a boat that needed towing. I immediately said “yes” which is not like me. I sat at the tip of the boat with 2 of Megan’s (my daughter) friends. We threw a line to the boat and it was probably 3 minutes into the tow when myself and the 2 other gals had a premonition something was about to happen! …and out of the blue “my husband says they are going to hit us.” I looked up and saw a boat headed straight towards us. No time to think or do anything. They hit the right side of our boat where my husband was driving and ripped out the right side of our boat. Thankfully we all survived.

We stood there in disarray for a moment and it was completely quite. The windshield on the right and left side of the boat was shattered in very small pieces and my thought was. .. oh know someone died! I began to panic as I saw blood on myself and some of the others. My eyes were open but I did not want to see. I did a head check and everyone was accounted for. I saw Megan’s friend crying and she wanted to get out of the boat. Yep, I felt responsible for everyone! Always a mother! I was scared due to the fact I did not know if someone got injured very badly. Everyone was scared, in shock and crying, even my husband who never shows his feelings. I was confused because the boat that hit us stayed at bay and did not even offer to help. Eventually someone did come to help and got the girls who were crying off the boat and towed us into land. Grateful there was no injures to the boat we were towing but one quick look I could see that they were also in shock.

When I arrived on land I was very grateful and was relieved I was no longer on the boat. From what I saw everyone had that feeling! I felt powerless due to the fact I saw my daughter crying and some of her friends. I felt sad that we had this experience. What I noticed within myself is that I could not form a sentence. I did this for a few days. Fear, and anger was my best friend. It was hard to comprehend what had happened.

Several of us went to the hospital and everything was okay. What kept going through my mind was how precious life is and it could be gone in an instant! I also realized none of us were meant to die.

On the way back to my Lake House I was scared that we were going to get in a car accident and my daughter’s felt like that too. When I arrived back to the house we were humbled, frightened and grateful for this experience. It’s been 6 months and yesterday I finally (6 months later) I went to the Lake House and I was glad I did cuz I cried and cried the fears and emotions of what had happened came barreling in. I had no idea of the amount of fear I carried around with me for 6 months. that I had that was crippling me until I came face to fa

How to Bring Love to the Pain Body

June 7, 2017September 22, 2017Leave a comment

I have resisted “what is” all of my life thinking what I had experienced was bad or “ugly”. This only created shame, doubt, guilt and pain. Until one day I woke up and realized everything I had been resisting was a message or my guidance. One would never think guidance would come in this form. I was keeping self love at a distance wishing it would go away.

I decided to go within and look at those parts I deemed unworthy or neglected. I discovered my incessant negative self-talk, and ongoing stories of the past. This can be destructive. I was creating unnessary pain in my life in which I would call the “pain body.” This layer of pain is very much alive but has softened over time. What helped me soften the pain was naming the thoughts that arose, i.e. past, story , lies etc. I certainly was not at a point of loving what arises but naming these part of myself was an act of self-love. Recognizing it for what it was helped me to lighten up and let go.

The Emotional Body plays a huge part of the “pain body.” I discovered when the emotional body is neglected depression and hopelessness seeps in. Sharing my feelings was not a part of my family structure. I was taught to move forward and keep my mouth shut. As a result I formed a pattern of putting other peoples needs ahead of my own. This pattern can be changed!

What I discovered about the Emotional Body:

Go within and see what is there. ie. sadness, fear, shame, neglect, anger. Allow, accept and feel into it. You won’t die. You will open up to parts of yourself you have put aside for years. Give yourself permission to experience this. Deal with what is right in front of you. I was yearning for self – love, gratitude, presence and acceptance but the only way i could do this was to go within and give to myself first.

Acceptance is the Key to Forgiveness

February 7, 2017September 22, 2017Leave a comment

When we accept ourselves no matter what grievance we hold against ourselves forgiveness happens. Forgiveness includes perceived past wrongdoings or anything we hold ourselves hostage to. I have found this has been the biggest offering I have given myself. When I accept blame and shame drops away. Love enters this space. Maybe this is the kingdom of heaven. Stories we tell ourselves are no longer relevant. Inner peace and harmony is restored and life does not seem difficult.

Many words can describe acceptance. Allowing, being with what is, loving what arises, appreciation and letting go. It may also include to stop, slow down and breathe. This will bring you in the present moment and you may be surprised what may arise. Maybe it is an emotion that you distracted yourself from feeling. If we all took the time to breathe, relax and allow just imagine what kind of world we would have.

August 14, 2016September 22, 2017Leave a comment

Grief is synonyms with regret? This is what I found in my research – a sense of loss and longing for someone or something gone. A feeling of disappointment or distress about something that one wishes to be different.

We all have regrets, should have, could have, maybe a do-over. Being in the present moment is all we ever have but one can remain stuck in the pas or the future robbing us of what is happening NOW. For example I can still be playing out a scenario that happened 30 years ago. Maybe being pissed off to this day of what occurred and has nothing to do with what is happening in this moment but the “sting” remains. The key is to acknowledge the regret and feel into the underlying energy. It could be anger, rage, fear or sadness that has never been embraced for what it was at the time. These are human emotions and as human beings we tend to cover them up and or suppress them but nevertheless they remain stuck in our bodies taking on a life of their own. This is turn can create density. We all have our stories and what we want to do is to embrace our feelings in any given moment without negating or suppressing them. This is as important as washing are hands. We have been taught to believe anger and sadness is bad when in reality it is a blessing. This is what connects us and it is an opportunity for the divine to embrace us. When we begin to feel all there is to feel and embrace our humanity life unfolds in a miraculous way. We are found through are humanity. This is where love and compassion can be found.

Posted on July 24, 2013 by Anne Lamantia