I was raised Roman Catholic and for many years prayed the rosary and went to Church every Sunday and raised my children Catholic. My questioning began when my children were small and would refuse to go to Church. What really caught my attention was when my son ~ Michael did not want to make his confirmation. This is when I started
questioning God and prayer.
Today I realize that prayer is just as simple as saying “I love you,” “Thank You,” and more importantly loving whatever arises within me. Loving whatever arises within me has not been easy due to the fact I have been conditioned with the labels of “right and wrong.” It has been a longstanding pattern and when I fall into my labels I begin questioning “Is this true?” This helps disrupt the pattern. A wise person once told me “everything is God.” That was an eyeopener and very freeing! This lifted a great burden off of me and gave me permission to accept the greater version of myself. Freeing in the sense that every thought and emotion that arose within me was okay and that this happens with everyone. We are human after all! Being with my emotions altogether is a different animal! One thing I know for sure is I am more willing to allow my emotions to surface. Emoting has freed up space within me. I feel less depressed, compressed and stagnated. I feel more alive! It is as if weight has fallen right off of me. I am so happy to have discovered this within me and my hope is we all can do this for ourselves.
ot feel my emotions ~ for example my anger, sadness or grief, and I felt ill-equipped. I began to notice there was this heaviness I accumulated in my body and I believe it was because I did not process my own pain. As time went on I began to get in touch with my anger, sadness, hurt and fear. As I began to get in touch with these aspects I began to feel lighter and to my amazement less depressed. Oh here is another big one for me! I also noticed when I interacted with others I was too involved with their stories. Over the last 5 years I have been willing to acknowledge my feelings and as I do I unravel.
2. Witness your thoughts.