I have resisted “what is” all of my life thinking what I had experienced was bad or “ugly”. This only created shame, doubt, guilt and pain. Until one day I woke up and realized everything I had been resisting was a message or my guidance. One would never think guidance would come in this form. I was keeping self love at a distance wishing it would go away.
I decided to go within and look at those parts I deemed unworthy or neglected. I discovered my incessant negative self-talk, and ongoing stories of the past. This can be destructive. I was creating unnessary pain in my life in which I would call the “pain body.” This layer of pain is very much alive but has softened over time. What helped me soften the pain was naming the thoughts that arose, i.e. past, story , lies etc. I certainly was not at a point of loving what arises but naming these part of myself was an act of self-love. Recognizing it for what it was helped me to lighten up and let go.
The Emotional Body plays a huge part of the “pain body.” I discovered when the emotional body is neglected depression and hopelessness seeps in. Sharing my feelings was not a part of my family structure. I was taught to move forward and keep my mouth shut. As a result I formed a pattern of putting other peoples needs ahead of my own. This pattern can be changed!
What I discovered about the Emotional Body:
Go within and see what is there. ie. sadness, fear, shame, neglect, anger. Allow, accept and feel into it. You won’t die. You will open up to parts of yourself you have put aside for years. Give yourself permission to experience this. Deal with what is right in front of you. I was yearning for self – love, gratitude, presence and acceptance but the only way i could do this was to go within and give to myself first.
53 and I cannot believe I am at this place again! Being “needy” so my children will love me. Bah humbug! I know my children love me so what is the issue? I remember after I had my first child my Mother was visiting and I noticed how much she wanted to be loved by me when I already inherently loved her. It felt like I was being suffocated. As I traced the thread back this started since the time I was born.
gin. A friend told me about Dr. Junger’s 21 day cleanse and I decided to give it a go. I liked the idea that he was a Doctor and had written a cookbook called “Clean Eats” and I was curious to see if I had any food sensitivities.
ot feel my emotions ~ for example my anger, sadness or grief, and I felt ill-equipped. I began to notice there was this heaviness I accumulated in my body and I believe it was because I did not process my own pain. As time went on I began to get in touch with my anger, sadness, hurt and fear. As I began to get in touch with these aspects I began to feel lighter and to my amazement less depressed. Oh here is another big one for me! I also noticed when I interacted with others I was too involved with their stories. Over the last 5 years I have been willing to acknowledge my feelings and as I do I unravel.
Anne LaMantia 